


Company

by alienexe



Category: Star Trek: Discovery
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hugh is such a good man, M/M, and back rubs, and being bad at feeling feelings, lots of hugs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-01
Updated: 2018-10-01
Packaged: 2019-07-21 00:57:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,370
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16149191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alienexe/pseuds/alienexe
Summary: "After his unwilling conscription in Starfleet, Paul Stamets had stopped looking to the stars."





	Company

**Author's Note:**

> here we go!! just a small thing I did to try and work on characterization so I can move on to write longer, more fun things. ♡

After his unwilling conscription in Starfleet, Paul Stamets had stopped looking to the stars. They didn’t fascinate him anymore. They didn’t inspire the same sense of awe that used to make him want to look outward.

So he did that opposite. He looked inward. Not figuratively, or emotionally, of course - it was far too dark to go there alone. No, he looked inward literally - so far such that it was impossible to see without assistance. Hence Starfleet. Hence the fancy lab. Hence the bullshit.

He sighed and let his shoulders slump forward. He braced himself on the bathroom counter with the palms of his hands and stared into the sink. He just wanted a hand on the shoulder. Some words of encouragement. Something to let him know he was on the right track. 

He heard a sneeze from the main room of his and Hugh’s shared quarters and almost jumped out of his skin. He had forgotten his partner was trying to sleep, and he’d left the bathroom door wide open. He had mostly forgotten that anyone else was there with him at all.

He looked up and studied his face in the mirror. He looked terrible. He was pale in a sickly way with sunken in cheeks and eyes and eye bags to boot. He wondered if anyone noticed. Surely not. No one had said anything. But these changes never came all at once. Only the fairly attentive could notice changes so gradual.

“Can’t sleep?”

This time Paul did jump out of his skin. His back shot up, posture straightened, no longer leaning over the sink, and a shout left his mouth.

“Easy, easy,” Hugh stifled a chuckle, but he couldn't hide the amusement that flickered in his eyes when Paul turned to face him. The amusement disappeared, however, when Hugh saw his face. “What’s wrong?”

Hugh had always been fairly attentive.

Paul feigned ignorance. “What do you mean?”

“Come on,” Hugh pressed, “we both know you don’t make a habit of wandering around in the middle of the night.”

“How do you know? You’re always asleep.”

Paul expected Hugh to sigh or roll his eyes, maybe come back with another equally as snarky comment. But he didn’t. He reached a hand out to hold Paul’s face, his thumb drawing gentle circles on the other’s cheek. Paul was forced to look directly at him this way, but his eyes wandered constantly: an attempt to avoid looking directly into Hugh’s.

“Paul.” His voice was stern now. “Look at me.”

“I am-”

“With your eyes.”

Paul closed his eyes lightly and inhaled through his nose. He opened them again on the exhale. His gaze was instantly met by the two big brown eyes in front of him, and he stayed with them for one second, two seconds, before the immense sea of concern he found himself swimming in was too much to bear. He removed Hugh’s hand from his face slowly and held it in his own, his thumb running over the back of it. He focused his strokes on the bumps of Hugh’s knuckles. His eyes honed in on the Starfleet insignia on Hugh’s maroon sleepshirt. He opened his mouth to say something, then stopped.

Hugh wasn’t going to have it. “What’s wrong?” His voice was still gentle, but his tone had begun to take on a slightly urgent edge. Tell me, it asked. Talk to me. Say  _ something _ .

Paul wanted to indulge him, but it was just too much. He didn’t know where to start. “Can we just go back to bed?” he asked. “I don’t want to talk about it right now.”

For a split second, there was an odd look in Hugh’s eyes. It was almost like disappointment. But unlike Paul, Hugh knew when to pick his battles and this one wasn’t worth it. He took Paul’s hand, studied it for a moment, then led him back to bed.

But Paul didn’t relax. He didn’t lay down once he was there. He stayed sitting up, back against the wall and one leg over the edge of the bed as if he planned to get back up the second Hugh dozed off.

Hugh didn’t doze off. He noticed immediately that Paul wouldn’t lay down; he wouldn’t allow himself to relax at all, for that matter. He positioned himself to kneel on the bed behind Paul, and wrapped his arms around the man’s waist while resting his head on his shoulder.

Paul finally relaxed into the touch. “You’re so good to me,” he muttered, “I don’t deserve it.”

“Stop saying that,” Hugh chastised, and Paul grimaced - he had really hoped Hugh wasn't listening when he said that. Hugh draped his arms over Paul’s shoulders, and Paul flinched; he hadn’t paid enough attention to the shifting of the mattress to realize Hugh had moved behind him. He tried to take on of Hugh’s hands in his own, but before he could Hugh had retracted his arms so his hands were on Paul's shoulders on either side of his neck, and applied pressure in gentle circles with his thumbs. “You just need to relax. Stop thinking so much.”

“But I-"

“Yes, you can. You're not trying.”

Paul inhaled deeply and sighed. He was doing his best to look irritated in hope that Hugh would just drop it and let him sleep.

“See? Just like that.”

No such luck.

Hugh applied slightly more pressure with his thumbs and Paul found himself unable to stop the satisfied hum from resonating in his chest. Hugh didn’t say anything, but Paul could have sworn he felt laughing eyes burn into the back of his head. “It’s okay to relax,” came the comment he had been waiting for, “You owe it to yourself - not every moment has to be dedicated to your work.”

“It’s the only thing I can think about,” Paul insisted. He groaned as Hugh worked out a knot in his back that had pestered him for weeks.

This time he felt Hugh’s laugh ghost over his ear. “What am I? Chopped liver?”

Guilt instantly slammed him in the stomach. “I’m sorry,” he stammered. “That came out wrong. I-”

“Paul.” Hugh’s voice wasn’t harsh, but it was firm. “It’s all right. I know what you mean, you don’t have to spiral.” He had stopped massaging Paul and instead had his hands on either side of him, as if to stabilize him.

Paul would be lying if he said he wasn’t disappointed Hugh had stopped, but he didn’t want to ask for more. Not when he was already so much to bear. He turned on the bed to face Hugh, removed the man’s arms from his sides and held both hands in his own. He traced circles on the backs of them with his thumbs again. There was so much he wanted to say, but none of his thoughts would get in line. He let himself breathe, then spoke, “Why don’t we follow your advice and get some rest? I just need to shut down and try again later.”

Hugh gave him a look he couldn’t decipher. “You promise we’ll try again? We will talk?”

Paul wasn’t quick enough to hide the pained smile the question induced. Hugh always saw right through him. “Yes,” he answered, practically through gritted teeth. “We will talk about it. I promise.”

Hugh didn’t look convinced, but he didn’t push any further. “Come here.” He took his hands back from Paul and opened his arms. Paul let himself collapse into them, head buried in Hugh’s chest. For a moment he felt a wave of vulnerability wash over him and thought he was about to burst into tears. He didn’t, though. That was part of the problem.

“Thank you,” he sighed. He sat up and looked Hugh in the eyes. Whatever scarce light from the stars outside the window of their quarters reflected in them. Hugh’s eyes held galaxies, and the only word that described how he felt when he looked into them was ‘awestruck.’ “I’m sorry for making you deal with this. You’re incredible. I love you so much -”

He would have babbled more, but Hugh shut him up with a quick kiss on the lips.

“I love you, too.”

**Author's Note:**

> comments & kudos are appreciated! ♡  
> [cc](https://curiouscat.me/synthspace) / [twitter](https://twitter.com/synthscott)


End file.
